What a bully looks like to authorities
What bullying looks like to the victim
With this reaction from the authorities, victims can be pushed to do things they would never have done otherwise.
Suicide, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, self harm, vandalism, striking out and the
list goes on and on. These are all the things that bullies drive their victims into
doing to stop the pain and bad feelings. When the bullying goes on and on
repeatedly over time, a victim will become depressed and stressed. Add to this
the interrogation and invalidation by adults and you have the recipe for disaster.
For many bully targets, suicide seems the only solution. With
no help in sight and angry investigators threatening you and calling you a
liar, at least you can control the end. In
One major flaw most adults have is the belief that children will simply forget each bad event and put it in the past. Nothing could be further from the truth and professionals should know it. As an example, when a child goes to school, they are expected to remember things from grade to grade. A child learns to spell, learns to read, learns to do math. They remember these lessons for years to come. Each year, the child builds their memory with the lessons and experiences presented to them. A child also learns the same way from life in general. This is where bullying comes in. A child that is bullied for many months in grade 4 will remember it in grade 5 and any bullying that occurs in grade 5 will simply be adding to this memory. If this bullying occurs outside of school such as on the school bus, during after school activities and even at home in the evenings and weekends, the memories of these events will be stored in the victims mind and the thoughts of being bullied over shadow all other thoughts. The victim becomes terrified and fearful everywhere they go. If this continues for years and investigators aren’t aware of the past, their reaction can be totally wrong and the reaction of the investigator can become the trigger that sends the victim over the edge. It is hard to imagine what it must be like for a bully victim that suffers for years and is then called a liar, told to “suck it up”, or just told “it no big deal, your over reacting”.
After years of bullying, the victim will feel totally helpless and out of control. Suicide is their one method of regaining control. The victim may believe that the bully has complete control over them, but the victim also knows that once they commit suicide, they will have had the final say in how their life ended, not the bully.
What a bully looks like to authorities |
When the victim of bullying finally tells someone in authority and expects help, this is usually what it looks like to the investigator. If this is all the investigator sees, then they will immediately condemn the victim for over reacting and will come down hard on the victim. It is this inability to see past the present situation and review events that have happened during the past several, week, months or even years that makes the victim look bad. |
What bullying looks like to the victim |
This is what bullying looks like to the
victim. This is how people in authority and other adults look to the
victim. It is this overwhelming feeling of being ganged up on that
destroys the victim. This is how bad things can get when the bullying
goes on for years. The entire family suffers, but the victim may be
pushed over the edge. It can be safe to say that every adult in this
image plays a role in the consequences to the victim. With this reaction from the authorities, victims can be pushed to do things they would never have done otherwise. |
Suicide is one of the world’s largest public health
problems, accounting for approximately 1 million lives lost annually. One of
the leading causes of death worldwide, particularly in younger people (WHO
2003), it profoundly affects individuals, families, workplaces, neighborhoods
and societies. The economic costs associated with suicide and self-inflicted
injuries are estimated to be in the billions of dollars.
One million suicides represent:
One suicide
represents:
One of the worst things that the authorities frequently do is to downplay the role bullying played in a suicide. Frequently the investigator will not want to confirm that bullying played a major role as it would immediately bring into question why those in authority didn't act sooner and why they didn't have preventative measures in place. In other words, the government will fear a lawsuit should the truth come out.
Thursday, March 17th, 2005 The parents of a
bullied teenager who took his own life are calling on the province to ban
bullying in all schools and make it a crime. Cliff and Pamela Hansen said if their 16-year-old son, a Grade 10
student at
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Bullycide: death at playtime is a book by
Neil Marr and Tim Field
which exposes the death toll of child suicide caused by bullying at school.
Every year, many families will experience the nightmare of coming home
to find the lifeless body of their child. They will then discover that the
bullying which drove their child to suicide had been going on for months and
that the authorities knew all about it but had taken no effective action. The moment parents start their
investigation they are likely to find themselves and their dead child vilified
and blamed by authorities.
karl not bullied since we buried him